Understanding Avoidance: Why ‘What You Resist, Persists’ and How to Face It
Avoidance is a natural response to discomfort. Whether it’s sidestepping a tough conversation, putting off a challenging task, or ignoring a painful emotion, avoidance can feel like a quick fix. But over time, avoiding problems can make them bigger, not smaller.
The idea of “What you resist, persists” captures this perfectly: the more we avoid, the more the things we resist take root in our minds and lives. Understanding how avoidance works and learning to face it can help you break free from this cycle and regain a sense of control.
What Is Avoidance?
Avoidance is the act of steering clear of people, situations, thoughts, or feelings that you find uncomfortable or distressing. It can take many forms, such as:
Procrastinating on tasks that feel overwhelming.
Ignoring difficult emotions like sadness or anger.
Distracting yourself with activities or screens to avoid uncomfortable thoughts.
Avoiding conflict by staying silent or withdrawing.
While avoidance offers temporary relief, it often leads to long-term consequences. The avoided issue doesn’t disappear—instead, it lingers and can grow larger, creating a cycle of anxiety, stress, and avoidance.
Why ‘What You Resist, Persists’
When you avoid something, you’re not addressing the root of the problem. This allows it to remain unresolved and continue affecting your thoughts and emotions.
For example:
Avoiding a difficult conversation with a friend may lead to growing tension and misunderstanding in the relationship.
Ignoring feelings of sadness can make them fester, leading to deeper emotional distress over time.
Putting off a daunting project can amplify feelings of guilt and anxiety, making the task feel even more overwhelming.
Your brain interprets avoidance as a signal that the situation is dangerous or unmanageable, reinforcing fear and anxiety around it. This can create a feedback loop, where the thing you avoid feels bigger and more threatening each time you resist it.
The Cost of Avoidance
Avoidance doesn’t just keep problems alive—it can also impact your mental health and overall well-being. Some common effects of chronic avoidance include:
Increased Anxiety
The more you avoid, the more anxious you may feel about facing the issue later.Strained Relationships
Avoidance can lead to miscommunication, unresolved conflicts, and emotional distance in relationships.Reduced Confidence
When you avoid challenges, you miss opportunities to build resilience and self-trust, leading to a diminished sense of capability.Emotional Build-Up
Unprocessed emotions can intensify over time, making them harder to deal with when they eventually surface.
How to Break the Cycle of Avoidance
Facing what you’re avoiding can feel daunting, but it’s the first step toward resolution and growth. Here are some strategies to help:
1. Start Small
Choose a manageable issue to address first. Facing smaller fears or tasks can build confidence and momentum to tackle bigger challenges.
Example: If you’re avoiding an overdue email, start by opening your inbox and drafting a few lines.
2. Reframe the Situation
Instead of viewing the situation as something to fear, try seeing it as an opportunity to grow or resolve tension. Ask yourself, “What’s the best outcome that could come from facing this?”
3. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness can help you stay present with discomfort rather than avoiding it. When a challenging emotion arises, acknowledge it without judgment and focus on your breath to stay grounded.
4. Break It Down
Big tasks or problems can feel overwhelming, making avoidance tempting. Break the issue into smaller, actionable steps to make it feel more manageable.
Example: Instead of thinking, “I need to clean my room,” start with, “I’ll make my bed today.”
5. Seek Support
Sharing your fears or challenges with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can make them feel less overwhelming. Sometimes, an outside perspective can provide clarity and encouragement.
6. Reward Yourself
When you face something you’ve been avoiding, acknowledge your effort and celebrate small victories. This positive reinforcement can make it easier to tackle future challenges.
7. Challenge Negative Beliefs
Avoidance is often driven by underlying fears or beliefs, such as “I can’t handle this” or “It will go badly.” Question these thoughts and replace them with more balanced ones like, “I’ve handled difficult things before, and I can try again.”
Learning to Face, Not Avoid
Confronting discomfort isn’t easy, but it’s a powerful act of self-care. Each time you face a fear or challenge, you build resilience, confidence, and a sense of agency over your life.
Remember: the things we avoid don’t go away—they wait. By facing them, you take back control and create space for growth, peace, and resolution.
Conclusion: Move Toward What Matters
Avoidance can feel like a short-term solution, but it often creates long-term problems. Understanding the cycle of avoidance and taking small, intentional steps to face what you resist can lead to profound changes in your mental health and well-being.
If you’re struggling with avoidance and need guidance, we are here to support you. Together, we can explore the roots of avoidance and build tools to face life’s challenges with confidence.
Take the first step today—your future self will thank you.
*The content provided on this page is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider or other qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding a mental health condition. If you are in crisis or need immediate support, please contact a crisis hotline or seek professional help.
